Day 1

OK, so the other day I was asked if I wanted to do the 2-day Lone Star Ride Fighting AIDs. Ok, I can do that I have a bike. I can ride in this how hard can it be....hmmm how hard can it be? Well, next time I say that I am going to just go into the garage and get a hammer and smash one of my hands and then try and hand write the next great American Novel. That is how hard. So, I found out that you don't just jump on your bike and ride. You have to have a special bike. Now, special bike turns out to be that 10-speed we all got when we were kids in the 70's. (oh yes I forgot to mention that I am 40, out of shape and slightly overweight) So I do rememebr that lime green 10-speed the greatest bike in the universe. I loved that bike even though I crushed the enitre top of my right foot once on that bike because I kicked the fork holding the front wheel on. I had those old school flip flops. You know those big fat ones with layered colors that we all had in the 80's. Well, yes upon reflections this might not have been one of my finer decisions, but it was my decision. I probably have not ridden faithfully since that time in my life. So here I am getting ready to ride. A century on Saturday and I am sure just as many miles on Sunday. I am fully prepared to die on Monday. I did annouce that I am not sleeping in a tent Saturday night. I hear that is an option. For whom I ask? Someone with no nerve endings and heavy medication. I will be staying in the hotel. I am not ridiculous and stupid. Ok, so this weekend I went and bought a helmet. Apparently it is the law now. Whatever, I have decided that there are too many pussies in this world that is a for sure. We rode our bikes, no hands nine hundred miles an hour down the hill and we didn't wear helmets and we are just fine. Hell, I remember seeing my brother get hit by a car. He didn't have on a helmet. Of course for years I did think he had brain damage and then I realized it was just a teenage boy in puberty and they all act that stupid. So, I got the helmet. Not going to win any hair do contest in that thing. I finally figured out what they used for the helmet Princess Leia used in Return of the Jedi when she disguised herself as a bounty hunter. A bike helmet that has been spray painted. Mine is a lovely blue and white with a flower design. Tammye went onto the internet, Craigslist, and found me a road bike. A Fuji Ace and apparently that is a good bike. I got it a lot cheaper than what these bikes usually go for. Who the hell decided that your old faithful 10-speed should be $2000.00. Crack heads. But now apparently bikes are "specialer" than they used to be. These aren't the Target and Wal-mart bikes. I have learned those are hybrid and off road type bikes. Yes, you can be impressed now. Ok, so I have a helmet, a bike...I have a little odometer that keeps the time, tells me the temp. I can tell my speed and track my miles. If I can figure out how to get it to make my butt smaller and pedal for me I have scored. I will keep you posted on that. I got fancy shoes that you cannot use except to cycle, but that is no big deal. I have an entire closet of shoes that only go with one outfit, not much different than any of them. Of course none of those require special pedals cleats, but I will view that as the accessories. And last but not least I got a book so I could learn how to cycle. It was so much easier when I thought cycling was getting on and pedaling. But it did have a training plan for doing a century. I did not find the chapter directing you to local physicans for nerve pills and mental health providers. Maybe that will be in the sequel.

Ok, so I am adding the link to this blog because someone smart suggested I do that.
https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=298715&lis=0&kntae298715=307E8D1269CE45379B617739F1950F81&supId=254575149

OK, if you want to sponsor me to help raise money you can use that link above. I have no idea how many people will ever see this, but some random drunk with nothing but infomercials to call his own may stumble upon it and feel charitable in his tequila haze.