Do you really care what number day it is...just enjoy the post

I knew it would eventually happen. I realized that I am simply not drinking enough water. Plain and simple. I never intended for it to happen mind you. I load up all day at work. I know I am going to ride the bike that afternoon and I want to be prepared. My downfall is that I have never trained myself to drink water while I am exercising and it caught up with me. Wednesday I rode longer than usually and it was pretty humid…reflect back on the crashing incident. Anyways, Wednesday I was so tired. I couldn’t seem to get enough to drink and I was lethargic. My mind wanted to exercise and my muscles were not havin’ it. So, I started power drinking the water. Fortunately Crystal Light has a hydration on-the-go packet. I am drinking those today to see if I can re-hydrate. All in all that seems to be working because today I am not so tired and the energy is coming back. Another thought I was having, reflecting really. I have purchased all these books to learn how to pedal, and corner. What equipment I need, want and can wait for. I have learned a lot, but the one thing I have learned is that over training could be a killer, well that and if you are fat lose some damn weight because it is easier to ride when your ass isn’t a sidecar. So, I typed up my own 12-week beginner training plan. I won’t be riding every day. I will have days off. Mon-Wed-Fri and Sat and Sun. I will be on the bike, although I am thinking of ditching the Sunday bike ride in lieu of weight training, or maybe just for a relaxation day, at least for the first month. Tues-Thurs I will be “working on my fitness” to quote Fergie. I need to get a little muscle on this carcass if I intend to make any progress. Last but not least I have joined the Weight Watchers online program. I do not have time for meetings with all the other stuff I have to do every day, but I can do it online and in my iPhone. This way I can make sure I eat enough and drink enough. Yes, Carol Anne you have to eat to lose, which is good because I love eating. Still no beer, but that is ok. I am sure there will be plenty of time after the fact, but do I really need it. Survey says…NO. I promise I will add a couple of picture now and then so that you will no if I am actually doing what I am saying. Actually who am I talking to. I think I like to believe that others are reading my little journey. I guess if I think I am accountable I will keep pushing forward.

Day 9 - Wipe Out

I now know what it feels like to crash, and fall when attached to my pedals. It didn’t hurt as bad as I anticipated. They said make sure you disconnect your feet prior to coming to a complete stop. Ok, sounds easy and with practice it probably will be easy, but saying it and doing it at this point are 2 different things. I could feel the bike slowing. I was in a weird angle and could not start pedaling to prevent fall out. I couldn’t even lean to the left to put my left foot down, which was free. My right leg took me down like a drunk in a wife beater on a Saturday night. I knew I would have problems with my right foot. When I was 7 I went fishing with my dad, you see. On a dam...yeah because that is so safe for a 7-year old child! My dad said back up. So, I did and then went right over the dam. My little fishing pole line probably saved me from major carnage upon the body, but enough was done. They put a cast on the right leg. Broke that mother but good, but the elite hospital staff in Wolfeboro, NH failed to x-ray the hip, which was dislocated. And so now several years from my 7th birthday my right leg turns out. It re-grooved itself into a new position. Makes a neat party trick since I can actually turn my leg completely around and I had perfect drill team position since my foot automatically turns just enough out to be on point each and every time. However, for cycling I am having to train my leg muscles to point forward. My foot is forward because the shoes are buckled down. Imagine taking your foot and point it in completely like you were pigeon toed. That is what it feels like to me when my feet and knees are pointing straight. I am learning, but because it is an unnatural position for me I am having to really learn and concentrate to get that foot disconnected. I didn’t scrape myself up, or get any bruises that I could see last night. I told Tammye if I don’t get a bruise on my butt it proves my butt is big. It means that the veins lost the will to even try any harder to form in my big old butt, thus no bruising. NO BRUISE THIS MORNING. HA!!! I do have a couple on my shin and on the inside of my arm. What can you do? I am also tired. I mean seriously tired. I think I will not ride tonight, but go to the gym and 1) workout on the weight machine 2) sit in the sauna. I think I am going to have to create a plan for myself that for this next month involves alternating rides with the gym. I can leave to go over to the gym on gym days and work with the weights. When I get home I can have a ride around the neighborhood.

Day 8

Ok, so Saturday I got my a mother’s day present early. I won’t be here on Mother’s Day so it was all good. I got the new pedals and cleats for my bike. If you don’t know anything about cycling, at least cycling that is a tad more than a stroll with the family, then I will explain. You have these nifty pedals that you actually attach your foot to. The cleats are attached to special shoes, and then when you get on the bike you snap your foot into the pedal. I am sure there is a professional sounding name for that, but right now I do not know what it is. So, you are physically attached. You simply turn your heel out left and it disconnects you. Only thing you have to remember is to disconnect at least one foot before you come to a complete stop. I imagine if you don’t do that once it will be the only time you forget to do it. Thus far I have not eaten the ground. You ask is it really necessary to have these fancy shoes and pedals. I mean you have ridden and you never needed them. I asked myself the same thing, but still plunked the money down for them. YES…oh my yes. You definitely need them. Now, I didn’t get to test them out Saturday because the floodgates of hell opened up on us. Poor guys at the cycle shop had a waterfall down the back wall and a flood on the floor. Fortunately we had the handy dandy camera and pictures were snapped for the insurance company. I felt so bad for them. I just sat there. I was certainly not loading a bike on a rack in that down pour. Finally let up. Ok, back to the shoes. So, Sunday was my first day out. I chose to go on to the park and ride from there as opposed to traversing the hills from hell in my neighborhood. I did however decide that I would ride out of the park and down the side walk I had been on the day before to Randol Mill and back. Figured that would be a good ride, then ride around a path or two in the park. Even saw a bobcat while I was riding. Not sure who was more startled. Bottom-line those shoes and pedals make all the difference. I did an hour. It was far less effort with them. I didn’t have to work so hard to prevent my foot from slipping off when changing gears (yes I am learning how to use them although I am still not all that sure I am doing it right). I was able to get benefit from the down and the up motion of the pedaling so I was able to have momentum in each direction. It was awesome. And I may be slow, but I finally figured out why cycling shirts are longer in the back. So that when you ride through water and all that splashes up you don’t end up with a soaked butt. Figured that out the hard way

Day 7 - my first challenge accomplished

Saturday was a very eventful day. I had decided that I would ride from my house to River Legacy Park. When I first decided to do this I thought it was a really good idea. I would do it no problem. Then the day came. I had to get up and do it. I was very nervous. I am not sure about what. Riding from the house. On real roads. And then the no turning back issue. I mean you are pretty committed once you leave and get out there. Well, I did it. I rode. Of course at some point the bicycle computer fell off. I was a little irritated, but it isn’t like I ever got the stupid thing working. I will just have to guess how many miles I have ridden I guess. I kept going. Now the part where I almost died. Tammye said don’t ride down Cook’s since it is rather narrow. Go down Sandy. Ok, so I did and I turned on to the street I would take. The incline from hell! I thought I was going to die. The section of the road getting out of my neighborhood was up and down hills. I was either having a heart attack getting up the hill or flying so fast I thought I would crash into something. Eventually, I came out onto the road by Target. And now I knew I was going to go the rest of the way because there was no way I was going back up that hill. Oh, b the way thanks Tam great idea. I think my heart rate monitor said something like 237. Now I was on a major road. I was very intimidated with all the cars around me. Finally I got to the bike path that leads to the park. It seemed like it would never end. But I was going to do this. I kept pedaling. Then the turn to the park was right there. I have to admit I started to smile. I had done it. I had accomplished something that a week, a month or a year ago I would have said I could never do. I pedal to the parking lot because I had also decided that there was NO WAY IN FREAKIN HELL I WAS PEDALING BACK HOME. I couldn’t find my ride and all I could think was...oh my lord I am gonna have to do that again. I am not there at that point yet. I know that I will be. I won’t even think twice about that, but not after only 6 days of riding. No I am definitely not there yet. But screw all that I did it. I started it and I finished it. I rode bike, on the real road for almost 10 miles and I did it in 40 minutes. So, put that in your pipe and smoke it. I totally rock

Day 5

Ok, I have simply decided that the previous days blog will be done the following morning. Far easier, well far easier for me to think clearly. I thought exercise was supposed to make you feel energized. It makes me exhausted. I mean that kind of tired where you feel like you cannot do another thing, but you can’t fall asleep either. Let me tell you how bad that sucks. I need to get that beauty sleep every night and there I am staring at the television or the ceiling or whatever. Although I was awake last night to watch “Good Eats”. He was showing everyone how to make a yummy Shepard’s pie. Rock on for the pie. Might have to make that one of these days. Of course it won’t be anytime soon since I cannot have Shepard’s pie, at least not Food Network Shepard’s pie and it probably has a million calories in it. I am not eating anything even remotely as fattening or yummy as that.

Last night I was not able to go to the park. Oh well, it is what it is and since I had already had my day off due to mother nature’s PMS I had to go to the gym. I set a goal to do 60 minutes. It started slow. Having a timer on the bike is good to keep track of time and bad because you clock watch. After about 25 minutes you kind of lose track of time and I zoned out watching some stupid television show. I decided that riding a bike at the gym is not nearly as much fun as going outside with my bike. Yeah, ok I still hate nature but at least it is not boring. Plus you are committed. You roll away from your destination you have 2 choices go back, or sit your stranded ass there until someone comes and looks for you. The gym bike did give me something the other did not though. I could measure distance. I was able to do 11 miles in that hour. What did I learn from that? I learned that my ass is going to be pedaling for 10 hours if I choose to go the whole 100 miles on Sept 26th. Well, unless I speed the hell up considerably. I may have to set a target of like 50 or 60 miles. I do not want to be that lone pathetic rider rolling in after dark. And you know those crew members certainly do not want to wait on my ass to go back and eat and get some sleep. I am going to seriously have to consider this, but I have 5-months to make that decision.

Ok, so I really didn’t have anything good today. I have been thinking about potato salad. You will note a theme of my life. I agree to do huge jobs and then later realize the enormity of my promise. I am making potato salad for 200 people. 200 HUNDRED PEOPLE!!! Lord I thought there would be like 40 maybe 50, but no 200. Oh well I promised and like the ride I am keeping my promise and will do what I have to to get where I am going.

I am sure tomorrow will be a lot more interesting things. It is the first bigger ride. 2 hours tomorrow I can ride to the park and back in that time I think. Or maybe I will just get half way there and sit down on the sidewalk till someone comes looking for me

Day 4 - when plans go awry or when Mother Nature is a bitch!!!

Well, yesterday did not go as planned. I hate making plans and then having them fall apart. I was supposed to go to the park and ride. I had my route already planned. Actually I had my whole evening planned. I was going to eat dinner before I left work. We have a subway in the building and that would work great. I did that, check first task accomplished. I went straight from work to the Wal-mart to get some groceries. Apparently you are what you eat and I determined that I was a big pile of crap. I decided that I should probably change my diet to something a tad healthier. I mean woman cannot live by Lean Cuisine alone and that was pretty much lunch and dinner. Lean pocket for breakfast, and could I have a side order of lazy ass with that. Ok, I admit it a significant lack of actual cooking. Whatever I never said I was a domestic goddess. Goddess, yes, domestic no. So, the next stop on my checklist was the Wal-mart to get the required healthy foods, you know fruits and vegetables. I got the brown rice and some chicken. Eggs, of course I will only eat the egg whites. Not so bad because I really don’t like the yolks unless they are fried and well that kind of defeats the whole eating better, and making myself healthier while I am getting ready for this road race…don’t be fooled they may call it that but this sistah is not racing. My goal is to stay on the bike, and remain conscious for the entire event. Ok, so I was able to get in and out of Wal-mart in 20 minutes. I am not sure that has ever been done. FYI grocery shop there on a Wednesday and you have no lines. Who knew? Get home. My next step is to put all the groceries away and get changed. I get this done. So, here we go out to the drive to put the bike rack on the car and the bikes on the bike rack. Jake has decided he is going and will be riding his bike while we are there. Everyone piles into the mom car and off to the park we go. I have these new Harley Davidson sunglasses. They have the yellow lenses so that when it is overcast it blocks the UV rays, but it also makes everything brighter. They are pretty cool. Anyway, I have these on and it looks just fine and then the rain starts falling. Just a little so I think we are fine. It is 73 degrees little sprinkle, no big deal. We get to the park and the little sprinkle gets harder and harder and Now it is only 68 degrees. Good lord what the hell is all that about. I stand outside of the car trying to decide if I should ride or not. It is only sprinkling and then the wind hits my bare legs that are wet. Hell no I am not riding. Now I am freezing. So, the trip to the park was a bust. It is now too late to go to the gym. Well shit, I hate nature. I did the only other reasonable thing you can in this situation. I got an ice cream and went home and sulked.

Day 3 - The Hell that is Spin Class

Ok, as you may or may not notice I am writing last nights post this morning. That is because somewhere between 5pm and bedtime my ability to actually process information and form sentences was temporarily terminated.

I was not able to go to the park last night to ride my bike. So, in my mind the next best option was going to the gym. I had seen they had a spinning class. “The Book” had referenced spinning classes. I mean the writer is a spin class instructor. So, I check my youngest into the kids club and I go upstairs to select a bike. I notice that everyone in there in holding an orange card. Ah, so you have to sign up. So, I go back down the stairs and get my orange card. Once I am up in the room, which I notice is rather warm. Confirm this because there is a thermometer on the wall. It says 80. Ok so we are apparently trying to simulate the great outdoors. Perhaps not having the music blaring would help with that, but whatever. Ok, so everyone seems to be pedaling 15 minutes before class starts. I guess we are warming up. I don’t want to look like a total dork so I start pedaling. Ok, this is not so bad. Just before class, about 5 minutes or so, Malibu Barbie walks in. She is the instructor. It is at this moment that I am starting to have second thoughts about the intelligence of participating in this class. But I am not a quitter. So, it is time for class to start. She cranks up the music. Oh, it wasn’t loud enough?! We have to have it at a level that now I can no longer hear a word she is saying through her Britney Spears headset. Off we go. Then she says up off the saddle. This means standup and pedal. I used to do that when I was a kid going up a hill. Ok, no problem. Yeah that was when I was 11. We have already established that I was mental at 11, what did I know about pain and stupidity. I think I was able to hold my butt off that saddle (bike seat) for all over about 30 seconds and I am being generous. Ok, so we will not be standing. I decide that if I am not standing, because I am a wuss, then I am going to tighten the little knob to make it harder. On and on this goes. Little Miss Sunshine keeps walking around the room and asking if everyone is doing great and should we tighten the little knob thingee one more turn. Screw you Barbie, you are not cycling you are walking. I can walk and smile. I made it 45 minutes before I had to throw in the towel. Now ultimately I pedaled my little heart out for 1 hour, which was my actual goal, but I did not make it through the whole class. I am ok with being a quitter.

I walk out of the room, now to a normal person this probably sounds very uninteresting, but you would be wrong. It was about 3 seconds out of the balmy beach pedaling room that I discovered my legs were not exactly working properly and I had minimal actual awareness of them being attached my body. My brain shifted into autopilot as a moved to the stairs. HOLY SHIT STAIRS!!! I have to descend them. I am not even sure I am actually controlling my legs any more at this point. Somehow I managed to get down. VERRRRY SLOWLY.

I decided that perhaps my days in spinning class might be numbered as in numbered to one. Well, at least for now. Maybe once I have been doing this a bit longer we can readdress the whole spin thing. For now I can spin at my own pace on the bikes in the main gym when I cannot ride my real bike. I never did manage to function properly for the rest of the evening. I am starting to think that my body decided it was no participating in the rest of my evening from that point forward. It was angry and honestly do you blame it

Day 2 and the discovery of riding shorts

Ok, so today was the first official day. I got home and ate some dinner. I changed into the festive little bike shorts. Ok, so let's establish something bike shorts are not like other lycra shorts. What sets them apart...ah the magic elephant size pull-up that has been stitched into the crotch. At first you are very aware of the maxipad from hell between your legs but eventually that goes away. We drove out to the park. Once you are on that bike seat you are kind of glad that you have a defensive barrier between you and that seat. Although I did find that this seat was far more comfortable than the seat that was on the hybrid bike I have. What else did I learn? The road bike was so much faster, and more fun to ride than the hybrid bike. It was wonderful. Ok, back to the seat and the shorts and the crotch. I started to wonder if you could get callouses on your butt. I mean I have a ped-egg for my feet and I seriously know I am not doing that to my ass. Not happening. I will live with callouses. Is that how that word is spelled? I don't care I am too lazy to look it up. I did discover where my "sit bones" were. The books word not mine. That doesn't take but about 5minutes to figure out. I may have lots of padding back there but unfortunately my neanderthal rock sitting butt doesn't having padding everywhere. I guess cave girl really wasn't thinkng about that since they just got fire and the wheel was a few years off. Probably didn't have a workshop. Anyway, when I got back from the ride I discovered the other big reason cyclists wear the maxi pad. My butt was soaked. All the water puddles that had splashed up onto my back side had been absorbed by my pants. I think possibly I could have absorbed a 32oz coke if I had spilled one. Now that is a vision. Sliding around on my behind soaking up a spilled beverage. Don't laugh I used a size 6 diaper to do just that in the dressing room of Dillard's Dump one day. Leak Guard ain't got nothing on Huggies.

So I was reading in my handy dandy book about using your butt muscles. Yes, somehow it all goes back to the butt. Push back into the seat and it will give you more power. I'll be damned if that didn't work. It was awesome. I had intended to ride for an hour or more. I made it 50 minutes, but not because I was too tired. I probably could have made a few more laps around the park, but I was watching the sun go down and thought I better not push it. I did about 10 miles. I wouldn't know how far I actually went since I am apparently brain damaged and didn't actually learn how to make that stupid little computer thingee on my bike work. I will have to discover how to do that tonight.

Well, I have new tires on the bike and new tubes. My bike rocks. I do need to get a new helmet. I think the mom helmet that I am wearing detracts from the sweaty bike rider mystique I am sure that I am striking at the park. OOOHH aren't you scared of me. I am scared of me. Let's just hope I can actually move in the morning without the aid of a walker.

Day 1

OK, so the other day I was asked if I wanted to do the 2-day Lone Star Ride Fighting AIDs. Ok, I can do that I have a bike. I can ride in this how hard can it be....hmmm how hard can it be? Well, next time I say that I am going to just go into the garage and get a hammer and smash one of my hands and then try and hand write the next great American Novel. That is how hard. So, I found out that you don't just jump on your bike and ride. You have to have a special bike. Now, special bike turns out to be that 10-speed we all got when we were kids in the 70's. (oh yes I forgot to mention that I am 40, out of shape and slightly overweight) So I do rememebr that lime green 10-speed the greatest bike in the universe. I loved that bike even though I crushed the enitre top of my right foot once on that bike because I kicked the fork holding the front wheel on. I had those old school flip flops. You know those big fat ones with layered colors that we all had in the 80's. Well, yes upon reflections this might not have been one of my finer decisions, but it was my decision. I probably have not ridden faithfully since that time in my life. So here I am getting ready to ride. A century on Saturday and I am sure just as many miles on Sunday. I am fully prepared to die on Monday. I did annouce that I am not sleeping in a tent Saturday night. I hear that is an option. For whom I ask? Someone with no nerve endings and heavy medication. I will be staying in the hotel. I am not ridiculous and stupid. Ok, so this weekend I went and bought a helmet. Apparently it is the law now. Whatever, I have decided that there are too many pussies in this world that is a for sure. We rode our bikes, no hands nine hundred miles an hour down the hill and we didn't wear helmets and we are just fine. Hell, I remember seeing my brother get hit by a car. He didn't have on a helmet. Of course for years I did think he had brain damage and then I realized it was just a teenage boy in puberty and they all act that stupid. So, I got the helmet. Not going to win any hair do contest in that thing. I finally figured out what they used for the helmet Princess Leia used in Return of the Jedi when she disguised herself as a bounty hunter. A bike helmet that has been spray painted. Mine is a lovely blue and white with a flower design. Tammye went onto the internet, Craigslist, and found me a road bike. A Fuji Ace and apparently that is a good bike. I got it a lot cheaper than what these bikes usually go for. Who the hell decided that your old faithful 10-speed should be $2000.00. Crack heads. But now apparently bikes are "specialer" than they used to be. These aren't the Target and Wal-mart bikes. I have learned those are hybrid and off road type bikes. Yes, you can be impressed now. Ok, so I have a helmet, a bike...I have a little odometer that keeps the time, tells me the temp. I can tell my speed and track my miles. If I can figure out how to get it to make my butt smaller and pedal for me I have scored. I will keep you posted on that. I got fancy shoes that you cannot use except to cycle, but that is no big deal. I have an entire closet of shoes that only go with one outfit, not much different than any of them. Of course none of those require special pedals cleats, but I will view that as the accessories. And last but not least I got a book so I could learn how to cycle. It was so much easier when I thought cycling was getting on and pedaling. But it did have a training plan for doing a century. I did not find the chapter directing you to local physicans for nerve pills and mental health providers. Maybe that will be in the sequel.

Ok, so I am adding the link to this blog because someone smart suggested I do that.
https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=298715&lis=0&kntae298715=307E8D1269CE45379B617739F1950F81&supId=254575149

OK, if you want to sponsor me to help raise money you can use that link above. I have no idea how many people will ever see this, but some random drunk with nothing but infomercials to call his own may stumble upon it and feel charitable in his tequila haze.